pains.

alright.. i woke up and i was laying in bed- i called the ics to see if they had a new calendar for the schedule of ics meetings.. i let it ring at least 5 or 6 times- no answer. i KNOW that the ics workers can see who's calling them because i've seen them look at their phones to see the number of who's calling. they probably don't feel like they have to answer my phone because emily told them not to help me when i asked about help getting my driver's license back again. kinda like they're allowed to just help me when it's convenient for them. THEY GET PAID TO HELP ME 24 HRS. ACCORDING TO MATT (MY CARE COORDINATOR). my left arm is giving me pain- i was thinking it was like muscle tone when i used to get botox shots in my arm to help with the pain, then the idea of a blood clot in my arm and having a stroke came across my mind.. which i'm not a doctor and i haven't had a stroke before (i don't think) to know what happens when you have strokes but i remember my grandma acting concerned about me having a stroke- which is why she was so insistent on me getting a CPAP machine and making sure i had a humidifier. i always brushed the possibility of me having a stroke off because i don't smoke and i'm so active. i'm not sure with this pain in my left arm now though. GOD FORBID THE ICS COMPANY ACTUALLY DOES THEIR FUCKING JOBS AND ANSWERS THE DAMN PHONE FOR ME THOUGH. i think back to the other people that went to camp courage and i remember this one girl saying she was going to the courage center because she had a stroke.. she also smoked. that same girl was talking about me and made me cry, so i left camp early one year- so needless to say, i don't think she was the best kind of person.